I woke up this morning next to my boyfriend to a day which looks unfamiliar to me. The sky outside looked like a mix of grays and dark silvers. The dreams I had through the night where unsettling. I can remember them now. They felt vague. I felt lost and confused. it's makes me question the things I have to do today; my second day of freedom...spending it with the man that I love and after spending another night together locked in a passonate embrace. I should be back in bed with him now; but i was filled with such an overwhelming need to type this out.
This year was deemed the year of Uncertainty and thats what I'm feeling..I'm feeling great uncertainty about what lies ahead for me and for those I love. I'm not going to let my fears control me. I will face my fears and let them pass through me.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Im gonna have a awesome weekend
With the help of this guy..noxs..the cutest cat in the world.oh yeah and the other guy..he's kind of like my boyfriend..hahaha..
I love you tony..I love your cat..but I love my cub even more..
Break ups and self reflection
So some major shit happened...My friend Alvin..the first love of my life..The guy whom I feel hard for back in college..has broken up with his boyfriend of Four years.
It's hard to see a relationship end. I use to envy Alvin and Oakie. They where the dream relationship. But sadly like every dream people have to wake up sooner or later.
There relationship was deeply flawed by one aspect which was missing from there relationship. SEX. They weren't having sex. As much I sometime I don't want to admit it. SEX is a part of any romantic relationship. physical attraction and sexual desire towards your spouse is part of what makes a relationship work. Of course for many couples there relationships go beyond the physical after many years..but hey look at all the fucking commercials we have for pills to get old dudes dicks hard. So that must mean that guys and girls after a certain age may loose sexual ability but the desires are still there.
So the main story was that Oakie wither from the very beginning or later in there relationship; Oakie stopped having sex with Alvin. He had one excuse after another. He said he" too much sex in his 20s, where now sex is no longer a priority for him" to " I was forced into sex when I was in my 20's; and therefore I'm afraid of sex" The finally excuse was that, " I love you as a brother or family member, and because of my emotional attachment to you..I can't have sex with you cause it would be like having sex with my brother or father"
So at first we believe his first two excuses..taking them as fact..but after a while Alvin started to get more and more frustrated. So an agreement was struck to have an open relationship. Under our understanding it was more for Alvin's sake. Oakie becoming Asexual. He stated he's lost all desire for physical sexual contact. He enjoyed hugging and cuddling, but nothing more. They kissed, held hands, but nothing beyond that. So They both agreed to an open relathionship so that both of them could get there sexual needs met. Again as far as we knew this was more for Alvin then Oakie. Since we where all under the impression that Oakie found sex uninteresting at age 30.mind you. So Alvin was starting to look up guys to hook up with..many where a hit or miss..Oakie got his sexual if any kicks from the internet looking at porn..but mostly he didn't pursue any physical contact with anyone..
About a year ago, something changed. Even through they where in an open relationship now, neither of them have really acted on there new found freedom to fuck whom ever. After a small bit of drama in New York City while hanging out at the monster. Oakie and Alvin had a relationship crises. Oakie expressed to Alvin how he wanted to have sex with his (at the time; soon to be new) roommate This annoyed Alvin since from my knowledge is the first times he'd express a desire to have physical contact with someone. At the Time like I said, we were all under the impression that He couldn't be physical with anyone..because of one reason or another or that he was beyond physical sexual needs. So of course this set Alvin off. In the end They left early ..walking back to the subway crying and hold each other and when back to Oakies place to have a long talk about there relationship and and with my suggestion of perhaps taking a break from each other and reassessing what they both really want from each other.
After that weekend it was discovered that they both didn't take my advice about taking time apart to reassess there present and possible future together. They Decided to continue there open relationship and that Alvin was going to try hooking up with other guys and really commit to this open relationship idea.
I was always weary of Open-relationships. They sound fun, but also can be very very complicated and sometimes if not a lot of times..leads to more pains then joys..But it seems to becoming more and more the norm for couples at least what I've seen. So when Alvin told me of his plan to really start meeting his needs through others. Naturally I stepped to the front of the line to be one of the guys to be with him. Since I never stopped loving him and wanting one day for him to be mine. I thought this was my chance to relive my past dreams of being with him.
( God was I a idiot, back then)
So there relationship continued on a steady and mildly happy course. they continued to spend weekends together, they cuddled, played games, watch bad You Tube videos, spent time with the rest of us.But soon Alvin stopped having hookups..He was craving this physical affection and love from his boyfriend..Because face it..when it comes to sexual fulfillment nothing beats it coming from the main source. The person you love an loves you back and being together with them in every shape and form is a feeling beyond any measure.
A random Craigslist Hookup wont even come close, (pardon the pun). So then over the summer. Oakie discovered Growlr, a social app tailored towards guys of the bear, otter, cub, chaser, average Joe community..(Available free for IPHONE and ANDROID) Oakie started meeting guys and even started hooking up with guys from Growlr.
We all started thinking that his sexual dry spell had ended. He was capable of having physical sexual interaction with others. a feet we where deeming impossible. But soon we came to realize he was still not being physical with his boyfriend. Soon Alvin found out that Oakie's Hooking up with a number of guys over the summer. This started eating away at him. He started asking Oakie why he wouldn't be with him like he was with these Growlr hookups? Oakies first responds was that, " I hook up with guys I'm not emotionally attracted to. That if I warn't emotionally attached to you and if you had a six pack, I'd be all over you"
So that as you can image was a fatal blow to Alvins Self esteem. He started doubting himself, He began thinking he was ugly and if something was wrong with him..I hated Oakie for that. Of course all I could imagine was all the times I think I could have been the one. In my heart, I told myself that I'd never do this to him. if he was my boyfriend, I'd never let him go. I'd hold him, kiss him, cherish him till my last dying breath.
I told Alvin..He wasn't ugly, that he still is one of the most beautiful guys I've ever met.
Soon by mid September, there relationship was looking as if it was circling the drain, Alvin visited him over the second weekend of the month and Alvin broke it off with him..but before he left Brooklyn they where back together. They truly loved each other..and neither was ready to give up on one another. Alvin vowed to work on learning to let go of his desire to have sex with Oakie and learn to be content with finding his sexual needs met with others. And Oakie promised to pretty much stay the same way he was; from what was explained to me. Alvin started looking into Therapist to help with oakies issues involving sex but
then Oakie just told him..he just can't be with him sexually. He can't be romantically involved with him and sexual at the same time. He saw Alvin as a brother or Family member..He felt constricted, but he was honest..and sadly he wouldn't work on changing his feelings. We as there friends Mentioned couples counseling, Which at first Oakie was hesitant, but then soon agreed to try. but it was for nothing.
Oakie's decisions was final. He didn't want to face his demons..not now or possibly ever. So Alvin and Him decided to officially end it. Alvin couldn't handle this any longer. and Oakie didn't want to prolong both there suffering. Perhaps with time they may meet again and perhaps be friends, but for now there worlds have been shattered.
Alvin told me that if it wasn't for sex, this wouldn't have been an issue. He feels as if he may have been selfish for wanting something so much from a person who couldn't give him what he needed. Oakie may feel selfish for wanting the emotional love he has for alvin but not truly being honest with him about what his issues where. it's sad that this happened; I hate seeing both my friends in pain. But they both will heal with time. it's funny how things turn out. My feelings for Alvin are still there..but my heart truly belongs to Tony. At first I wasn't too sure about what the future lied in store for me. I was ready to be a tech spinster for the rest of my life to be at my friends backing all..hoping one day someone would notice me and take pity.
My feelings have changed so much..I wish I could take Alvin's pain away the only way I know how..which was through sex. but I can't, I won't. My desires to hook up with other guys is diminishing moment by moment. God..is this what a love could really be like.. I hope Alvin and Oakie find someone whom will love and be with them with all there faults and flaws and beauty they both have.
usually I'm more witty with my blogs, but your reading a blog from a guy whom has not had a full night sleep for about a week..so deal with the typos and misspells..I an't no Hemingway!!!
peace and love
It's hard to see a relationship end. I use to envy Alvin and Oakie. They where the dream relationship. But sadly like every dream people have to wake up sooner or later.
There relationship was deeply flawed by one aspect which was missing from there relationship. SEX. They weren't having sex. As much I sometime I don't want to admit it. SEX is a part of any romantic relationship. physical attraction and sexual desire towards your spouse is part of what makes a relationship work. Of course for many couples there relationships go beyond the physical after many years..but hey look at all the fucking commercials we have for pills to get old dudes dicks hard. So that must mean that guys and girls after a certain age may loose sexual ability but the desires are still there.
So the main story was that Oakie wither from the very beginning or later in there relationship; Oakie stopped having sex with Alvin. He had one excuse after another. He said he" too much sex in his 20s, where now sex is no longer a priority for him" to " I was forced into sex when I was in my 20's; and therefore I'm afraid of sex" The finally excuse was that, " I love you as a brother or family member, and because of my emotional attachment to you..I can't have sex with you cause it would be like having sex with my brother or father"
So at first we believe his first two excuses..taking them as fact..but after a while Alvin started to get more and more frustrated. So an agreement was struck to have an open relationship. Under our understanding it was more for Alvin's sake. Oakie becoming Asexual. He stated he's lost all desire for physical sexual contact. He enjoyed hugging and cuddling, but nothing more. They kissed, held hands, but nothing beyond that. So They both agreed to an open relathionship so that both of them could get there sexual needs met. Again as far as we knew this was more for Alvin then Oakie. Since we where all under the impression that Oakie found sex uninteresting at age 30.mind you. So Alvin was starting to look up guys to hook up with..many where a hit or miss..Oakie got his sexual if any kicks from the internet looking at porn..but mostly he didn't pursue any physical contact with anyone..
About a year ago, something changed. Even through they where in an open relationship now, neither of them have really acted on there new found freedom to fuck whom ever. After a small bit of drama in New York City while hanging out at the monster. Oakie and Alvin had a relationship crises. Oakie expressed to Alvin how he wanted to have sex with his (at the time; soon to be new) roommate This annoyed Alvin since from my knowledge is the first times he'd express a desire to have physical contact with someone. At the Time like I said, we were all under the impression that He couldn't be physical with anyone..because of one reason or another or that he was beyond physical sexual needs. So of course this set Alvin off. In the end They left early ..walking back to the subway crying and hold each other and when back to Oakies place to have a long talk about there relationship and and with my suggestion of perhaps taking a break from each other and reassessing what they both really want from each other.
After that weekend it was discovered that they both didn't take my advice about taking time apart to reassess there present and possible future together. They Decided to continue there open relationship and that Alvin was going to try hooking up with other guys and really commit to this open relationship idea.
I was always weary of Open-relationships. They sound fun, but also can be very very complicated and sometimes if not a lot of times..leads to more pains then joys..But it seems to becoming more and more the norm for couples at least what I've seen. So when Alvin told me of his plan to really start meeting his needs through others. Naturally I stepped to the front of the line to be one of the guys to be with him. Since I never stopped loving him and wanting one day for him to be mine. I thought this was my chance to relive my past dreams of being with him.
( God was I a idiot, back then)
So there relationship continued on a steady and mildly happy course. they continued to spend weekends together, they cuddled, played games, watch bad You Tube videos, spent time with the rest of us.But soon Alvin stopped having hookups..He was craving this physical affection and love from his boyfriend..Because face it..when it comes to sexual fulfillment nothing beats it coming from the main source. The person you love an loves you back and being together with them in every shape and form is a feeling beyond any measure.
A random Craigslist Hookup wont even come close, (pardon the pun). So then over the summer. Oakie discovered Growlr, a social app tailored towards guys of the bear, otter, cub, chaser, average Joe community..(Available free for IPHONE and ANDROID) Oakie started meeting guys and even started hooking up with guys from Growlr.
We all started thinking that his sexual dry spell had ended. He was capable of having physical sexual interaction with others. a feet we where deeming impossible. But soon we came to realize he was still not being physical with his boyfriend. Soon Alvin found out that Oakie's Hooking up with a number of guys over the summer. This started eating away at him. He started asking Oakie why he wouldn't be with him like he was with these Growlr hookups? Oakies first responds was that, " I hook up with guys I'm not emotionally attracted to. That if I warn't emotionally attached to you and if you had a six pack, I'd be all over you"
So that as you can image was a fatal blow to Alvins Self esteem. He started doubting himself, He began thinking he was ugly and if something was wrong with him..I hated Oakie for that. Of course all I could imagine was all the times I think I could have been the one. In my heart, I told myself that I'd never do this to him. if he was my boyfriend, I'd never let him go. I'd hold him, kiss him, cherish him till my last dying breath.
I told Alvin..He wasn't ugly, that he still is one of the most beautiful guys I've ever met.
Soon by mid September, there relationship was looking as if it was circling the drain, Alvin visited him over the second weekend of the month and Alvin broke it off with him..but before he left Brooklyn they where back together. They truly loved each other..and neither was ready to give up on one another. Alvin vowed to work on learning to let go of his desire to have sex with Oakie and learn to be content with finding his sexual needs met with others. And Oakie promised to pretty much stay the same way he was; from what was explained to me. Alvin started looking into Therapist to help with oakies issues involving sex but
then Oakie just told him..he just can't be with him sexually. He can't be romantically involved with him and sexual at the same time. He saw Alvin as a brother or Family member..He felt constricted, but he was honest..and sadly he wouldn't work on changing his feelings. We as there friends Mentioned couples counseling, Which at first Oakie was hesitant, but then soon agreed to try. but it was for nothing.
Oakie's decisions was final. He didn't want to face his demons..not now or possibly ever. So Alvin and Him decided to officially end it. Alvin couldn't handle this any longer. and Oakie didn't want to prolong both there suffering. Perhaps with time they may meet again and perhaps be friends, but for now there worlds have been shattered.
Alvin told me that if it wasn't for sex, this wouldn't have been an issue. He feels as if he may have been selfish for wanting something so much from a person who couldn't give him what he needed. Oakie may feel selfish for wanting the emotional love he has for alvin but not truly being honest with him about what his issues where. it's sad that this happened; I hate seeing both my friends in pain. But they both will heal with time. it's funny how things turn out. My feelings for Alvin are still there..but my heart truly belongs to Tony. At first I wasn't too sure about what the future lied in store for me. I was ready to be a tech spinster for the rest of my life to be at my friends backing all..hoping one day someone would notice me and take pity.
My feelings have changed so much..I wish I could take Alvin's pain away the only way I know how..which was through sex. but I can't, I won't. My desires to hook up with other guys is diminishing moment by moment. God..is this what a love could really be like.. I hope Alvin and Oakie find someone whom will love and be with them with all there faults and flaws and beauty they both have.
usually I'm more witty with my blogs, but your reading a blog from a guy whom has not had a full night sleep for about a week..so deal with the typos and misspells..I an't no Hemingway!!!
peace and love
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Dating old entry but printing it anyway
So it seems my luck may have changed a little. i met this guy on Growlr and he's my age, has a good job, living life one moment at a time..and wait for it...he's a gamer!! my friends and my therapist still wonder why that such a big deal for me..but it is..i'm a gamer..i want someone to game with..and it looks like i may have found him. he's a nice guy and very down to earth. of course like clock work..my insecurities came rushing out after our second meeting..I'm i right for this guy? will he be scared off by my condition? and now..thanks to Olay body butter body wash, i got a really bad rash in my danger-zone. so I've got that to add to my already growing list of things that could go wrong which could sink this newly built relationship before it's set sail on it's maiden voyage.
yeah it's the negative talk starting up again. But i know I've got nothing to worry about. And I know i shouldn't be thinking too far ahead. He seems a bit guarded but of course entering a new friendship we're always guarded. I like him...I'm praying to the gods that things work out..to be honest i'm scared. To have someone really in your life to share your heart with.
yeah it's the negative talk starting up again. But i know I've got nothing to worry about. And I know i shouldn't be thinking too far ahead. He seems a bit guarded but of course entering a new friendship we're always guarded. I like him...I'm praying to the gods that things work out..to be honest i'm scared. To have someone really in your life to share your heart with.
How things have changed...
So, it's been a few months since last I wrote. So here is an update. I'm still 31, I'm still working at the hospital. Mom is still in a nursing home; she will be coming home in a few months. I've been cleaning and painting parts of the house with the help of Perice. I've been going through some major emotional changes and I have a boyfriend. yes..it's true..I actually have someone who gives a damn about me..it's kind of weird. I was so ready to give up on love and the next day..here he is.His name is Anthony Encarnacion (Tony) . yep he's puerto rican. Jerry is jealous; lol. So I've been spending a lot of time with Tony. I was afraid at first cause he was on a different level then I was financially and he didn't have a car.. my biggest fear was being taken advantage of. But after a while my fears where put to rest. He's never asked me for money and I never mind paying for him at times. we took things slow..and funny thing is..I actually did take things slow. we waiting two months before we decided to make it official. We've been learning a lot about each other and every moment we spend together always ends up with passionate fiery sex. ( Grinning and smiling as I wrote that part) My eyes still wonder; but I think that's okay.
It's so strange being in this position. I've been wanting a boyfriend for so long..I should be jumping up for joy..but I'm not. I'm content with this situation. truth be told I had my guard up; but after a while, I started to realize that him and I are alike in a few ways. we've both got big hearts, where both lonely, and where both hopeless romantics. Plus the Icing on the cake; he's a Gamer!!! jack pot baby.
he's a chub, and I'm loving it. he's just so nice to hold and kiss. And I don't know if it's really too soon..but even after two months and two weeks..he's in love with me; and I think I'm also in love with him. He just feels right. he's working on getting himself together and build a life for himself. So I've also decided to try and start putting my life together as well. I started working out today..and really watching what I put in my body. smoking is going to be the tough part. with my co-workers still smoking and me doing Night shifts..there are too many influences. But I'll tackle one issue at a time.
I go through my first day not drinking soda..so now lets see how my night goes.
It's so strange being in this position. I've been wanting a boyfriend for so long..I should be jumping up for joy..but I'm not. I'm content with this situation. truth be told I had my guard up; but after a while, I started to realize that him and I are alike in a few ways. we've both got big hearts, where both lonely, and where both hopeless romantics. Plus the Icing on the cake; he's a Gamer!!! jack pot baby.
he's a chub, and I'm loving it. he's just so nice to hold and kiss. And I don't know if it's really too soon..but even after two months and two weeks..he's in love with me; and I think I'm also in love with him. He just feels right. he's working on getting himself together and build a life for himself. So I've also decided to try and start putting my life together as well. I started working out today..and really watching what I put in my body. smoking is going to be the tough part. with my co-workers still smoking and me doing Night shifts..there are too many influences. But I'll tackle one issue at a time.
I go through my first day not drinking soda..so now lets see how my night goes.
Trying to change
So I decided to make a change today..i've been feeling more and more unhealthy these last few weeks; and for a while it look like there was no end to it. But i'm going to do it..I need to do it. I've put if off way too long and I've let my fear take over for far too long.
I've been working on improving myself before but for other people's reactions and wishes. I worked out for days, lost weight, changed my body to so that I could look pleasing to other. The goal was never for my self worth. Even now, i'm still struggling with the idea of going to the gym since even though I have a great boyfriend whom says I don't need to change a thing..that I just need to get healthy..I'm not pushing myself to look a certain way to please him..shit..he really wants me the way I am..But I shouldn't use that as an excuse to not try. I'm 31 years old..but i'm acting and feeling like i'm 3 years to retirement the way my body is acting.
My Before picture taken 9/11/2012 current weight 272 ponds
I've chosen to make a change and I'm going to do it. I need it. I'm tiered of looking at myself in the mirror night after night while playing videogames and just seeing a blob sit there..I'm going to start today. No more fear or hesitations..I will accept the pain knowing that it will past. I will start to cut down on the things I know that are bad for me..I think the only real tuff part will be the smoking..that's a separate battle in itself.
wish me luck..and I'll see you in a few months.
I've been working on improving myself before but for other people's reactions and wishes. I worked out for days, lost weight, changed my body to so that I could look pleasing to other. The goal was never for my self worth. Even now, i'm still struggling with the idea of going to the gym since even though I have a great boyfriend whom says I don't need to change a thing..that I just need to get healthy..I'm not pushing myself to look a certain way to please him..shit..he really wants me the way I am..But I shouldn't use that as an excuse to not try. I'm 31 years old..but i'm acting and feeling like i'm 3 years to retirement the way my body is acting.
My Before picture taken 9/11/2012 current weight 272 ponds
I've chosen to make a change and I'm going to do it. I need it. I'm tiered of looking at myself in the mirror night after night while playing videogames and just seeing a blob sit there..I'm going to start today. No more fear or hesitations..I will accept the pain knowing that it will past. I will start to cut down on the things I know that are bad for me..I think the only real tuff part will be the smoking..that's a separate battle in itself.
wish me luck..and I'll see you in a few months.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Traveling solo
I'm done. I'm done waiting for the right one to show up..I'm done with my heart being broken. I've given up hope of finding someone who will accept me with all my physical handicap's..I'm tiered of explaining myself to every guy I get close to..why I have hyposadious, why I'm HIV positive, why I have kelord scars on my stomach. I'm done..I'm just done...
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Time to start a new day
There are many things in this world I can't control. the way the world turns, people's reactions to the things other people say and do, I can't even control the guys I have crushes on to love me. All I know is that the only thing I can control is me. I can learn to control my reactions to people and my reactions to drama and negative thinking. I can even learn to control my health. Tonight while at work; I started looking up information on Dementia. How there are many different types of Dementia. Dementia brought on by having multiple strokes (Vascular Dementia), (Infectious Dementia) brought on by Lyme disease and HIV; which is what scared me the most. There are types of dementia which are caused by hypertension, Diabetes, high blood pressure. Pretty much all the health problems my mother is suffering with.
I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to end up looking like my brother. Over 300 pounds. Another thing I've come to realize is that I can't control the future..I know I'll that I may never be as skinny as the other guys I see and idolize, but I know I can take steps to take care of my body. I've got to make some sacrifices.
I've got to start pushing myself to get better and healthier. . I"m already declining on smoking regular cigarettes, I've started drinking more water during the day then reaching for a bottle so soda. I just need to start back at the gym and start getting physical again. But also there's something else I need to work on. It's my mental health as well. my mind has been over whelmed with anxiety, fear and self-loathing, I've given up on believing in myself. Thinking that I'm a bad person and a person who is going to fail. I need to face my fears. I need to start learning what my limitations are and start challenging them and over come them.
I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to end up looking like my brother. Over 300 pounds. Another thing I've come to realize is that I can't control the future..I know I'll that I may never be as skinny as the other guys I see and idolize, but I know I can take steps to take care of my body. I've got to make some sacrifices.
I've got to start pushing myself to get better and healthier. . I"m already declining on smoking regular cigarettes, I've started drinking more water during the day then reaching for a bottle so soda. I just need to start back at the gym and start getting physical again. But also there's something else I need to work on. It's my mental health as well. my mind has been over whelmed with anxiety, fear and self-loathing, I've given up on believing in myself. Thinking that I'm a bad person and a person who is going to fail. I need to face my fears. I need to start learning what my limitations are and start challenging them and over come them.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Im kind of pissed off at the world right now...
I'm 31 years old..and I'm single...that should sum up everything..but I think there's more to it..I feel lost. I feel as if I have no one close enough to me to really understand what I'm going through.. it seems every place I turn for guidance...I end up getting the short end of the stick..I try to find religion and all I found where nice people but who I can't trust. I try to ask my friends for guidance, I'm met with questionable eyes and having my ideas shot down.
I think I'm looking for a soultion to all my problems...my loneliness, my frustrations, my self hatred, and my shame...
I feel as if I'm still running in a race which everyone else has crossed the finish line hours ago...
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
So spring is finally here
So spring is finally here...so its time to see if I kept up with my resoultions from January..
Resoultion 1: stay healthy... nope..ate a big Mac last night at 2 in the morning..
Resoultion 2: manage my money better...nope just spent $300..on a new phone that I don't need..but its soo much fun.
Resoultion 3: start dating..well I've gone on two dates and they have both equaled zip..both guys rejected me after finding out I'm positive..so I'm ready to just give up and join the monks.
Resoultion 4: explore my surranding area and branch out more..I've done that..new York, my first mini road trip to upstate New York..
Resoultion 5: be kinder to my mom..done...
Resoultion 6: build a better bridge between my brother and I...not working..and I don't care anymore if it does..
So pretty much I've accomplished 2 out of my 5 goals for the new year and its only March!!!
Fun!! Now where did I place that vodka bottle....
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Birthday
For the longest time I didn't care about turning 31..I was thinking it was just a number; nothing more nothing less. Then I started to think about all the times when I wish I could have done something big.. my 27th birthday in New York was great..I wanted something to top that..All I could think of was Go-Go Boys!! then I started thinking again and I continued thinking that why should I do anything..I should just count my blessings for being alive another year!!
I labeled this year as being the "year of Uncertainly" I have really nothing planed and I'm totally lost. And I'm okay with that..my mother is in the hospital...my house is falling apart, I'm still single and I may still be that way for a while. I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm truly uncertain about what path my life will take this new year.. but I'm going to try and keep myself optimistic..well as best as I can.
So what are my New Years Resolutions for this year?
I think it will be to keep breathing!!! no matter what happens..just keep breathing.
Happy 31st Birthday to me!!!
I labeled this year as being the "year of Uncertainly" I have really nothing planed and I'm totally lost. And I'm okay with that..my mother is in the hospital...my house is falling apart, I'm still single and I may still be that way for a while. I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm truly uncertain about what path my life will take this new year.. but I'm going to try and keep myself optimistic..well as best as I can.
So what are my New Years Resolutions for this year?
I think it will be to keep breathing!!! no matter what happens..just keep breathing.
Happy 31st Birthday to me!!!
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