So some major shit happened...My friend Alvin..the first love of my life..The guy whom I feel hard for back in college..has broken up with his boyfriend of Four years.
It's hard to see a relationship end. I use to envy Alvin and Oakie. They where the dream relationship. But sadly like every dream people have to wake up sooner or later.
There relationship was deeply flawed by one aspect which was missing from there relationship. SEX. They weren't having sex. As much I sometime I don't want to admit it. SEX is a part of any romantic relationship. physical attraction and sexual desire towards your spouse is part of what makes a relationship work. Of course for many couples there relationships go beyond the physical after many years..but hey look at all the fucking commercials we have for pills to get old dudes dicks hard. So that must mean that guys and girls after a certain age may loose sexual ability but the desires are still there.
So the main story was that Oakie wither from the very beginning or later in there relationship; Oakie stopped having sex with Alvin. He had one excuse after another. He said he" too much sex in his 20s, where now sex is no longer a priority for him" to " I was forced into sex when I was in my 20's; and therefore I'm afraid of sex" The finally excuse was that, " I love you as a brother or family member, and because of my emotional attachment to you..I can't have sex with you cause it would be like having sex with my brother or father"
So at first we believe his first two excuses..taking them as fact..but after a while Alvin started to get more and more frustrated. So an agreement was struck to have an open relationship. Under our understanding it was more for Alvin's sake. Oakie becoming Asexual. He stated he's lost all desire for physical sexual contact. He enjoyed hugging and cuddling, but nothing more. They kissed, held hands, but nothing beyond that. So They both agreed to an open relathionship so that both of them could get there sexual needs met. Again as far as we knew this was more for Alvin then Oakie. Since we where all under the impression that Oakie found sex uninteresting at age 30.mind you. So Alvin was starting to look up guys to hook up with..many where a hit or miss..Oakie got his sexual if any kicks from the internet looking at porn..but mostly he didn't pursue any physical contact with anyone..
About a year ago, something changed. Even through they where in an open relationship now, neither of them have really acted on there new found freedom to fuck whom ever. After a small bit of drama in New York City while hanging out at the monster. Oakie and Alvin had a relationship crises. Oakie expressed to Alvin how he wanted to have sex with his (at the time; soon to be new) roommate This annoyed Alvin since from my knowledge is the first times he'd express a desire to have physical contact with someone. At the Time like I said, we were all under the impression that He couldn't be physical with anyone..because of one reason or another or that he was beyond physical sexual needs. So of course this set Alvin off. In the end They left early ..walking back to the subway crying and hold each other and when back to Oakies place to have a long talk about there relationship and and with my suggestion of perhaps taking a break from each other and reassessing what they both really want from each other.
After that weekend it was discovered that they both didn't take my advice about taking time apart to reassess there present and possible future together. They Decided to continue there open relationship and that Alvin was going to try hooking up with other guys and really commit to this open relationship idea.
I was always weary of Open-relationships. They sound fun, but also can be very very complicated and sometimes if not a lot of times..leads to more pains then joys..But it seems to becoming more and more the norm for couples at least what I've seen. So when Alvin told me of his plan to really start meeting his needs through others. Naturally I stepped to the front of the line to be one of the guys to be with him. Since I never stopped loving him and wanting one day for him to be mine. I thought this was my chance to relive my past dreams of being with him.
( God was I a idiot, back then)
So there relationship continued on a steady and mildly happy course. they continued to spend weekends together, they cuddled, played games, watch bad You Tube videos, spent time with the rest of us.But soon Alvin stopped having hookups..He was craving this physical affection and love from his boyfriend..Because face it..when it comes to sexual fulfillment nothing beats it coming from the main source. The person you love an loves you back and being together with them in every shape and form is a feeling beyond any measure.
A random Craigslist Hookup wont even come close, (pardon the pun). So then over the summer. Oakie discovered Growlr, a social app tailored towards guys of the bear, otter, cub, chaser, average Joe community..(Available free for IPHONE and ANDROID) Oakie started meeting guys and even started hooking up with guys from Growlr.
We all started thinking that his sexual dry spell had ended. He was capable of having physical sexual interaction with others. a feet we where deeming impossible. But soon we came to realize he was still not being physical with his boyfriend. Soon Alvin found out that Oakie's Hooking up with a number of guys over the summer. This started eating away at him. He started asking Oakie why he wouldn't be with him like he was with these Growlr hookups? Oakies first responds was that, " I hook up with guys I'm not emotionally attracted to. That if I warn't emotionally attached to you and if you had a six pack, I'd be all over you"
So that as you can image was a fatal blow to Alvins Self esteem. He started doubting himself, He began thinking he was ugly and if something was wrong with him..I hated Oakie for that. Of course all I could imagine was all the times I think I could have been the one. In my heart, I told myself that I'd never do this to him. if he was my boyfriend, I'd never let him go. I'd hold him, kiss him, cherish him till my last dying breath.
I told Alvin..He wasn't ugly, that he still is one of the most beautiful guys I've ever met.
Soon by mid September, there relationship was looking as if it was circling the drain, Alvin visited him over the second weekend of the month and Alvin broke it off with him..but before he left Brooklyn they where back together. They truly loved each other..and neither was ready to give up on one another. Alvin vowed to work on learning to let go of his desire to have sex with Oakie and learn to be content with finding his sexual needs met with others. And Oakie promised to pretty much stay the same way he was; from what was explained to me. Alvin started looking into Therapist to help with oakies issues involving sex but
then Oakie just told him..he just can't be with him sexually. He can't be romantically involved with him and sexual at the same time. He saw Alvin as a brother or Family member..He felt constricted, but he was honest..and sadly he wouldn't work on changing his feelings. We as there friends Mentioned couples counseling, Which at first Oakie was hesitant, but then soon agreed to try. but it was for nothing.
Oakie's decisions was final. He didn't want to face his demons..not now or possibly ever. So Alvin and Him decided to officially end it. Alvin couldn't handle this any longer. and Oakie didn't want to prolong both there suffering. Perhaps with time they may meet again and perhaps be friends, but for now there worlds have been shattered.
Alvin told me that if it wasn't for sex, this wouldn't have been an issue. He feels as if he may have been selfish for wanting something so much from a person who couldn't give him what he needed. Oakie may feel selfish for wanting the emotional love he has for alvin but not truly being honest with him about what his issues where. it's sad that this happened; I hate seeing both my friends in pain. But they both will heal with time. it's funny how things turn out. My feelings for Alvin are still there..but my heart truly belongs to Tony. At first I wasn't too sure about what the future lied in store for me. I was ready to be a tech spinster for the rest of my life to be at my friends backing all..hoping one day someone would notice me and take pity.
My feelings have changed so much..I wish I could take Alvin's pain away the only way I know how..which was through sex. but I can't, I won't. My desires to hook up with other guys is diminishing moment by moment. God..is this what a love could really be like.. I hope Alvin and Oakie find someone whom will love and be with them with all there faults and flaws and beauty they both have.
usually I'm more witty with my blogs, but your reading a blog from a guy whom has not had a full night sleep for about a week..so deal with the typos and misspells..I an't no Hemingway!!!
peace and love
