There are many things in this world I can't control. the way the world turns, people's reactions to the things other people say and do, I can't even control the guys I have crushes on to love me. All I know is that the only thing I can control is me. I can learn to control my reactions to people and my reactions to drama and negative thinking. I can even learn to control my health. Tonight while at work; I started looking up information on Dementia. How there are many different types of Dementia. Dementia brought on by having multiple strokes (Vascular Dementia), (Infectious Dementia) brought on by Lyme disease and HIV; which is what scared me the most. There are types of dementia which are caused by hypertension, Diabetes, high blood pressure. Pretty much all the health problems my mother is suffering with.
I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to end up looking like my brother. Over 300 pounds. Another thing I've come to realize is that I can't control the future..I know I'll that I may never be as skinny as the other guys I see and idolize, but I know I can take steps to take care of my body. I've got to make some sacrifices.
I've got to start pushing myself to get better and healthier. . I"m already declining on smoking regular cigarettes, I've started drinking more water during the day then reaching for a bottle so soda. I just need to start back at the gym and start getting physical again. But also there's something else I need to work on. It's my mental health as well. my mind has been over whelmed with anxiety, fear and self-loathing, I've given up on believing in myself. Thinking that I'm a bad person and a person who is going to fail. I need to face my fears. I need to start learning what my limitations are and start challenging them and over come them.
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