Mornings are getting tuffer to face..it's either I'm feeling lonely, rejected, and angry..or I feel as if I can't live within my own skin. Im feeling sick to my stomach some moments. I never remember ever feeling like this around the holiday time, But something is different. I feel alone. I feel lost. I know my meds are whats helping to keep me going and keep the virus at bay. but I now feel as if it's doing something else to me. Or it could just be my mind playing really bad tricks with my emotions.
I wish there was a place where I could go to just be alone and be at peace with myself. and I feel as if no matter who I choose to tell or share my thoughts with...I'll continue to be and feel alone. it's bad when you feel awkward in your own skin. I feel like a prisoner
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Hard pill to swollow
Friday, November 18, 2011
And so the journey begins
I've offically signed up for BEAR PRIDE 18 in chicago which is in May of next year!!! I'm going to get there...I'm going to have the cash saved up, and more importantly, I'm going to be in shape. I'm watching what I'm eatting and I'm concentrating on keeping myself in shape and really feeling good about myself.
Here are my goals:
1. to have up to $3,000 bucks saved up
2, to be down to 260 pounds
I know I can do it. I have faith in myself that I'll be able to do both my goals..plus I've got 6 months to accomplish my goals..So I've got more then enough time to do it.
Man...I can't wait..to be surranded by fellow bears, cub, chasers, and others like me. To feel happy and free again. To feel sexy again..and perhaps this time..i'll hook up with more guys..
I still wonder whats going to happen between Anthony and I. Are we just going to be friends? Does he want anything more? I'm slowly working up the courage to ask him. I've dropped hints here and there about using the term boyfriend or "bearfriend"..I like that..but my friends are telling me not to think too far into the future about this..and to just take it slow..
ha..I guess I'm still thinking that my life is like a stupid coming of age romantic comedy.
Here are my goals:
1. to have up to $3,000 bucks saved up
2, to be down to 260 pounds
I know I can do it. I have faith in myself that I'll be able to do both my goals..plus I've got 6 months to accomplish my goals..So I've got more then enough time to do it.
Man...I can't wait..to be surranded by fellow bears, cub, chasers, and others like me. To feel happy and free again. To feel sexy again..and perhaps this time..i'll hook up with more guys..
I still wonder whats going to happen between Anthony and I. Are we just going to be friends? Does he want anything more? I'm slowly working up the courage to ask him. I've dropped hints here and there about using the term boyfriend or "bearfriend"..I like that..but my friends are telling me not to think too far into the future about this..and to just take it slow..
ha..I guess I'm still thinking that my life is like a stupid coming of age romantic comedy.
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