Trying to change

So I decided to make a change today..i've been feeling more and more unhealthy these last few weeks; and for a while it look like there was no end to it. But i'm going to do it..I need to do it. I've put if off way too long and I've let my fear take over for far too long.

I've been working on improving myself before but for other people's reactions and wishes. I worked out  for days, lost weight, changed my body to so that I could look pleasing to other. The goal was never for my self worth. Even now, i'm still struggling with the idea of going to the gym since even though I have a great boyfriend whom says I don't need to change a thing..that I just need to get healthy..I'm not pushing myself to look a certain way to please him..shit..he really wants me the way I am..But I shouldn't use that as an excuse to not try. I'm 31 years old..but i'm acting and feeling like i'm 3 years to retirement the way my body is acting.

My Before picture taken 9/11/2012 current weight 272 ponds

I've chosen to make a change and I'm going to do it. I need it. I'm tiered of looking at myself in the mirror night after night while playing videogames and just seeing a blob sit there..I'm going to start today. No more fear or hesitations..I will accept the pain knowing that it will past. I will start to cut down on the things I know that are bad for me..I think the only real tuff part will be the smoking..that's a separate battle in itself.

wish me luck..and I'll see you in a few months.