The cold sweat in the night

I'm here working a double shift and earlier this evening I came across a young man whom my feeling told me he may be gay!! So durring my night shift tonight I read his chart to learn his story..turns out he is gay. He's 21 years old and has been living with HIV since he was 16..he was discharge from the national gaurd because of it..amd he's been feeling hopeless and helpless and has had thoughts of wanting to end his life..there is more to the story, but I can't get into anymore detail then that..its 4am here at work and this is boddering me..its like something inside me wants to go and wake this kid up and hug him and let him know it will all be alright...I feel as if I need to do something...

I've always found myself gravating towards  paitents at my job whom I feel I can relate to..wheither it was through videogames, same philosophys on life, and or sexual orientation..but most of all..the paitents who felt lost and scared..the ones who don't know what there options are or who just feel that giving up is the one true option they have...

Right now I just want to go and wake this kid up and hug him and let him know that he's not alone...and that there is hope out there. This is; if anything the solid reason why I still do this job..its a need I have..a drive  that I believe will never die down..to find other who feel the same way as this kid does whether there carrying a life threatening virus in there blood or that there carrying a huge chip on there shoulders...this is what I'm meant to do..I'm going to continue to do my job with the best of my ability..but I've also got to start leading by example..there is life after HIV, there's life after heartbreak!! There is life after being rejected and the feelings of self hatred... I've still got alot of growing to do..its people like this kid and others that I've met that make me want to push myself to be the person they can confide in...

Every couple of weeks we get comment cards from past paitents..the ones I get say pretty much the same thing..

"David treated me with such care"
" He sat down and listend to my bullshit", " He listens, and he made me feel good"..

Those are some of the comments that really made me realized that's..fuck!! I'm actually doing a great job...a few of my coworkers say that I'm trying too hard and I'm not sappose to bend over backwards for these people...but you know what..I don't look at it as anything like that...I see it as if I was feeling like shit..I'd want someone to ask me why I felt like that...sometimes all it takes is one person to open there ears and listen...I'm going to do my best to do that..to help those who feel lost, helpless, fearful, lonely, the ones who are healthy and those who aren't..
Because at some point in everyones life..we've all felt like shit..

Welcome to the new revolution!!!