Cross Roads

I'm not sure why i'm awake right now...it's either the indegestion or i just couldn't stay still. I just felt that I couldn't stay asleep. its my last weekend here at home before mom returns. it's been a long month. I'm glad that she'll be coming home and that she'll be well..but apart of me is sad. that the inner peace i've bult up these last few weeks will dissapear. being able to come and go as I please..her voice not constintly in my head. me not feeling as if i've got to walk on egg shells. I felt as if I've been on borrowed time when she's around. That I was never truely free to be myself or to do the things that gave me joy!! its kind of intresting. I never went out clubing once since she's been gone. I never threw any parties or did anything I would have done a few years ago. perhaps thats a sign of change.
One of my dear friends, MaryAnn was right..I never doubted her for a momment anyway, but she was still right. After you've reached a certain age in your life...your personal time becomes so preceous to you that you'd don't want to waste it. You'd rather be alone and by yourself sometines then get involved with anyone or anything. not to say that you'd become a hermit..but you'd rather spend every waking moment of free time you have truely doing the things you enjoy and not doing things to please other people...
I choose not to go out..and you know what..I don't regreat it. I enjoyed every moment I had at home..in peace just playing games and sleeping in. I have a wonderful experience with a guy that with time..I may end up falling in love for. I kept my house clean..more or less..
I shouldn't think that I'm going to loose all these gifts that I've been given. thses are momments that I will charish forever..and I'll continue to have great momments. My job may suck, but it will get better. The decisions that I make for my future will be mine and mine alone and that I shouldn't fear them. I should trust my family. I should put more faith into my friends and never forsake them..I should learn to trust myself..thats the most important lession of all..keep myself on the path I'm walking.

They always say it's not the destination that matters..it's the journey..